Sex, Love & Relationships in Australia

The SIX-Second KISS

French Kiss

Have you ever timed yourself kissing?  Until recently I hadn’t either.  It sounds rather strange doesn’t it?

Recently I became more focussed on how I kiss.

The length of a kiss definitely makes a difference to the feelings you get.

I’m guessing that like me you hardly notice a peck on the cheek. You may briefly think, “that’s nice” but I doubt you get that heady rush where you want to grab the kisser for a longer passionate embrace.

I associate pecks on the cheek with unfamiliarity or token acknowledgement of affection.

Why is it that many of us get in the habit of “cheek pecking” our partner rather than actual kissing?  There’s no chance that I will buy the excuse of a lack of time.  Are you serious?  A peck probably tacks one second, a kiss about three seconds and a long kiss about SIX SECONDS ! YES, you read correctly…. it takes only SIX SECONDS to create a connection with your partner through kissing!

I can’t think of anything else that can achieve as great a benefit in your relationship in such a short time.

We take longer making a cup of coffee than we do kissing our partner!

The concept of the six second kiss is not new.  It was initially promoted by the relationship pioneer, Dr John Gottman.  If you google “Gottman” or “the Relationship Institute” you’ll find lots of wonderful resources.

I did a little experiment.  I started to count to six when I was kissing my partner.  (The counting was obviously in my head otherwise it would have made kissing rather awkward.) When I stopped being focussed on the counting I noticed the difference.  The six second kiss feels GOOD ! In fact it feels WONDERFUL ! (And no batteries are required!!)

My daughter overheard my conversation about this and started to say, “mummy you haven’t given me my six second kiss today”.  She now complains if I don’t kiss her long enough! I’m guessing she’s also enjoying the positive feelings she gets from the longer kiss.

I like to throw out challenges.  So my next challenge to you is to do the six second kiss with your partner for the next week and tell me what you notice. Then again maybe you just don’t want to confess to how good it feels.

Let’s banish the cheek peck and replace it with a meaningful kiss that leaves us feeling connected, wanted, cared for and loved.

Here’s a big MWAH to you all.  xxxxxx


  1. I don’t feel as if I’ve been kissed properly unless it’s at least six seconds. However, as my sense of time goes out of the window when I’m kissing, how do I time it? A long, lingering kiss may only be four seconds or twenty.
    I don’t want to put him / her under pressure by checking my watch or clicking a stopwatch…

    • thanks for your comment. I agree that timing your kissing would kill the moment. I was suggesting that you do this once or twice to become aware of how quickly you kiss your partner, not every time. I think most people aren’t aware how long six seconds feels. Sounds like you have good kissing happening already. If it’s working for you, don’t change it. Keep Smiling, Michelle

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